Ungodly Psalms: Protocols of the Youth of Zion

Resolution 1a.

Whereas
we have lived long enough in the world of our elders,
as laid out in Appendix A, the book of Ungodly Psalms;

whereas,
moreover,
we have grown tired of reading
and living
the fire and floods,
the ruin, wandering, exile,
ash and mud,
etc.;
be it here 

Resolved that
we will conspire
against the abovementioned things.

To this end,
we lay out the following plan
for global
insubordination:

first,
in the margins of every holy book
we will scribble dirty jokes
and blasphemous curses,
which,
read backwards,
will be acronyms for
our dreams;

second,
our dreams
will creep
without warning or permission
into all your dreams;

third,
we will dub
the sound of tears
over the banal banter 
of your favorite sitcoms,
we will put level-headed calls for reconciliation 
into the mouths 
of your action heroes,
and we will angrily shout
in the well-timed, somber pauses 
between your broadcasters’ heartfelt expressions of concern
for the victims 
and the disadvantaged; 

fourth,
we will hang on every workplace wall
a poster for vacation
in a land that isn’t born;

fifth,
we will bite the skin
of every businessman
and civic leader,
to leave an unmarked itch
that has no place to scratch
and will
therefore
send him running
everywhere,
looking for the cure;
we will have the cure;
in addition,
we will make his children into poets
and barefoot gazers at horizons, and,
at age fifty-five,
or upon his reaching the pinnacle of his career,
whichever comes first,
we will make him fall in love,
with a slender shadow;

sixth,
we will kick off a mass campaign
to insert hope
and light melancholy
into your vaccines;

seventh,
we will fan the smoke of forest fires
into the shape of fists
knocking on your penthouse office windows;
we will divert the coming floods 
into canals that spell forbidden slogans
when seen from the mountains above;

eighth and lastly,
in every nation’s anthem
we will slip hidden notes
of “The Internationale”
played on clarinet
and accordion,
tuned to the pitch of vendors’ calls
and squealing trams,
such
that it will be heard
only
when the unsuspecting citizen
steps out of her home
and into the street.

The plot will conjoin, but is not limited to,
daughters of tenured philosophers,
sons of yuppies born to hippies,
student activists turned copywriters, aged 25 to 35,
carbon-neutral brokers who fall asleep on the job,
exploited employees of foreign-funded NGOs,
gender ideologists,
failing students,
indebted graduates,
neo-Marxist postmodern antiracists who have never seen an ordinary person
in their lives, 
ordinary people,
Jew-Bolshevik anti-Zionists,
Zionist anti-Zionists,
lapsed Trotskyists,
anarchist leaders,
sophisticated parcel sorters,
economic immigrants
and their enablers,
sweatshop singers,
café worker organizers,
café-lounging radicals
who drink espresso in Chicago
and batch brew filter in Prague,
yes,
even the guys with thick-framed glasses
and Marx-Engels beards
and Haymarket moustaches,
even they will join.

In addition, there will be
hunchbacked, long-nosed Jews,
as well as blond, broad-shouldered Jews with sky-blue eyes,
and black Jews,
brown Jews,
yellow Jews,
all of whom are also red Jews,
including even
German Jews,
Arab Jews,
Mexican Jews,
Chinese Jews, 
Indian Jews
(both kinds of Indians),
Gypsy Jews, 
Vashti as well as Esther
(we will not consult Mordechai),
Teresh and Bigthan,
Jews with class-struggle trust funds,
schnorrers,
Gentiles with class-struggle trust funds
schnorrers with class-struggle pocket money,
fake Jews and crypto-Jews,
Jews still hiding in your attics and cellars,
Jews hiding in your coat pockets and in the dust jackets of your books,
Jews caught in your throat and hiding in your heart, 
dybbuks, and
dead Jews, 
rising from incinerated bones and turned-up graves.

Only Soros and the Rothschilds will face restriction,
to be admitted on the sole condition
that they assume false names.
We suggest variations on “Red Shield” and “Schwarze Fahne,”
but the decision is up to them.
We will not even know
when they have joined.

The oath of allegiance contains no words.
You will never know when you have given it.

The secret handshake will be revealed to no one,
least of all to the conspirators.
Each must find it on their own.

All in favor ____
All opposed ____
No abstentions.